THE BOYS' BRIGADE

Understanding something about body language is very important to meeting people. There are two reasons for this. First, your body language can give a person a message that you do not intend to send. You need to make sure that you are giving the correct messages with your body, eyes and facial expressions. Second, you can understand a great deal from what someone is thinking and feeling by understanding the messages given by their body. Confident people are attractive. Men with low confidence are routinely rejected by women. Also men are attracted by confident women. Pay attention to your own body language and see what messages your body language is giving. Then notice the body language of confident people and see how it is different than yours. Is your body telling the world that you are confident?  A confident person usually has a very strong posture and makes prolonged eye contact. When seated they will have an open position, often with the hands or arms rested behind the neck, or they will lean towards the person to whom they are speaking.

People with little confidence will avert their eyes. They will stand with a stooped posture with head pointing facing the ground or away. When seated their arms may be crossed. If seated next to someone their legs will often be crossed or pointed away from the person they are speaking to.

In the photo below, it is clear that the girl is more confident and comfortable than the boy. Her legs and her body are turned toward the boy. She leans her body towards him and rests on the arm closest to him. Her face is turned towards him so if she lifted her eyes, she would be looking at him. On the otherhand, the boy's body is turned toward the camera and away from the girl. His face is turned away from her.  He looks directly at the book and not towards her. His body language gives away his lack of confidence and shyness.











The posture of the girl to the right screams the lack of confidence that she has. Her shoulders are hunched up, as though, like a turtle she is trying to hide her head in her shell. Her eyes are averted and her head is tilted slightly to one side.  Her posture does not convey confidence.
The meeting of the two women below appears very warm and genuine. Notice how they both lean towards each other and look at each other and smile. They use both hands when they meet, giving an image of genuine warmth. However, the position of the head down on the women on the left betrays a slight sense of discomfort. While the woman on the right has her head up. It is obvious that the woman on the right is more confident than the woman on the left.



It is obvious that the couple in the photo on the right have just met at the bar. One can see clearly that the man is confident and likes the woman. His body is turned towards her and his head is leaning comfortably and confidently on his hand. He is looking her directly in the eyes. And while we can not see where her eyes are pointed, from her body positioning, we can tell that the woman has apparently not yet made her mind up about the man. Her body is turned towards the bar and away from him. She is sitting straight up and not leaning towards him.













The woman in the photo to the left has a very strong and confident body position. She is turned to face the man directly. She looks him directly in the eye and places a hand on the shoulder. She is either giving him very important advice or consoling him. In either case, she is dominating the discussion and appears to be the more confident of the two.






In order to give the right message with your body language, pay attention to:
Posture: An upright posture with shoulders back and feet apart gives a sense of confidence.
Arm Postioning: Avoid crossing your arms in front of your chest. This gives an image of defence, whether due to shyness or due to anger, crossed arms and crossed legs shout discomfort and make people around you feel uncomfortable. If you are crossing your arms for warmth, be sure to let people know you feel cold or they will come to the opinion that you are uncomfortable.
Body Postioning: Always turn towards the person you are speaking to. If you cross your legs, be sure to cross them towards your speaking partner and not away from your speaking partner. Lean towards the person you are speaking to to give them the feeling of comfort and intimacy.
Eyes: Looking the person you are speaking to in the eyes, tells them you are confident. Looking away, averting the eyes, making only short-term eye contact tells people you lack confidence. If you avert your eyes while speaking, it says that you are uncomfortable. It may be due to lack of confidence or it may indicate that you are lying about what you are saying.