Arnold Schwarzenegger once said about weight lifting “no pain, no gain”. The same can be said about meeting people. In the beginning it may be a bit painful. You are nervous and that is natural. It is not uncommon to have your attempts at being friendly misunderstood and get rejected. But getting rejected is part of the game and should not be taken personally. Everyone gets rejected; just watch MTV’s show, NEXT. Getting rejected is simply part of the process of meeting people. Don’t be afraid of it. It happens to everyone, it is painful and you will gain from it by being tougher and more confident in the future. Remember, if you are getting rejected, this means that you are trying to meet people and that is a lot better than staying at home, hiding and avoiding life.
Ten Great Steps to Meet People
- The first step to meet people is to get out in the world. You will not meet anyone in front of
your TV set. Many people chose to spend night after night at home alone, rather than go out. These are wasted opportunities to meet people. Go out as often as you can.
- The second step to meet people is to look and feel your best.
This will give you confidence and most people find confidence to be
attractive. This may mean wearing something new, getting a haircut,
losing weight. Join a gym and force yourself to go at least three times
per week. Start now and make slow improvements every day. Slowly, you
will notice yourself feeling better and more confident.
- The third step to meet people is to have fun. People who are having fun, smiling and enjoying themselves are more attractive to others than someone looking bored and grumpy. For many people this means going out with a friend (usually of the same sex). Do something you enjoy where you are likely to find other people. Do not go out in large groups of the same sex if you are trying to meet people. Think about it, if you see a person you like, isn’t it more intimidating to approach them if they surrounded by a large group of people who will all turn to look at you when you come up to speak? People will find it easier to approach you if you are with just one or maximum two other people.
- The fourth step to meet people is make eye contact. This lets other people know you are interested and open to be approached. But don’t do it so much that you are ignoring your friends. A brief look and a smile send a very loud and clear message.
- The fifth step to meet people is to have the courage to break the ice. Say something to allow the meeting to happen. Avoid meaningless lines (Don’t I know you? Do you come here often?) But make a pleasant comment and finish with a question that requests a response but is not too personal (You look like you are enjoying that drink. What is in there?) Avoid questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no. (Is that a glass of wine?). Listen carefully to the response and get ready for your next comment so that the conversation does not die. At first this may be difficult, but with time and practice, comments will come more and more easily.
- The sixth step to meet people is to be you. Not everyone will
like the person you are. That is a simple truth. Some will like your
looks others will not. Some will like your personality; others will want
to turn around and run. You are not everyone’s type. No one is. But you
are some people’s type. And the better you are able to honestly show
the person you are, the easier it is for someone to see inside and
decide if you are their type. It is much easier to meet people when you
are being exactly yourself. Ok, you respond, I am shy! If I were being
myself, I would be at home. Learning to be confident and friendly is
learning a skill and will not change the person you are inside. It will
not change your values, your intelligence or your sense of humor. These
factors make up your core personality and your personality is what
people want to know. The better you are able to let people see your core
personality, the easier it will be for you to meet people. It does not
mean you need to tell your intimate details to everyone you meet. (Avoid
doing this too soon!) But it does mean you should not put on an act
when you meet people. Otherwise, you may drive away someone who is
looking for your personality and attract exactly the wrong type of
person. This is the most frightening part about meeting new people,
because letting people see who we are inside means we make ourselves
vulnerable. If we then get rejected, it is even more painful. Remember
that not everyone will like your personality. But if you do not honestly
reveal who you are inside, the people who will value you will never
know what they
have missed.
- The seventh step to meet people is to flirt a little. This takes practice to get it right. A little flirtation sends the message that you are interested and the person you are flirting with is more likely to be interested in a date. Too much flirtation will send the wrong message that you are desperate and the person may even lose their interest. Try to give one or maximum two compliments. Everyone loves to receive a compliment on their appearance. If someone is wearing attractive jewelry notice it and compliment them on their taste or how well it brings out the color of their eyes. However, do not make a compliment that is not sincere. Sensitive people can sense insincerity in your tone or wording and it could work against you.
- The eighth step to meet people is to meet as many people as possible. This is true for three reasons:
- First, the more people you meet, the better you get at and the easier meeting people becomes.
- Second, meeting the right person is a numbers game. The saying goes that you have to ‘kiss a lot of frogs to find your Prince(ss)’. For most of us, the right person is 1 in 1,000 or 1 in 10,000. This means that we must meet thousands of people to find the one who is best suited for us. The more people you meet, the more likely it is that you will find the person that is the right match for you.
- Third, every new person you meet expands your social network. One of the best ways to meet people is through other people. Even if someone you meet does not turn out to be romantically interesting for you or romantically interested in you always be polite and friendly. Remember the person's name and keep in contact if possible. This person may invite you to a party or introduce you to one of their friends.
- The ninth step to meet people is to celebrate the little victories. Be proud of the
occasions when you overcame your shyness, the times you initiated a nice conversation, the gradually improving ability to overcome your fears of rejection. Each of these is a victory. Each victory proves that you are mastering your skills and learning how to meet people. Each victory will improve your confidence and make it easier for you to meet people in the future.
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