THE BOYS' BRIGADE

This is something that has to do with our relationships. People in our surroundings bring out the deep-seated patterns in us; these people may be our best friends, colleagues, parents, siblings, kids or spouse. Often people say they don't have any behavioral patterns or they don't react towards people or circumstances but this is not true unless you are a monk. Some people show openly what comes on the surface and some hide their emotions or reactions skillfully, such people react passively or internally.
For example one of my clients thought she never had any negative relationship pattern and she was very confident about it until she found herself in a loop of some significantly appearing patterns. She had a friend who suddenly had become indifferent towards her and this was causing her lot of tension and making her feel anxious and impatient at times. She even behaved impulsively to further sabotage the friendship. Her friend was not doing anything to save the sabotage and this lady was clueless about whether to save the friendship or just walk away. She did her best to continue the friendship and in this process she became reactive and it even affected her health. Surprisingly, she was under impression that she had overcome her habit of impatience but when she realized her mistakes she stepped into her own power as a woman and silenced her mind from the ongoing chaos that was happening around her friendship, she understood that by behaving in a certain way she was adding fuel to the fire. By this time the damage in the friendship was already done.
When you are in a new situation you might not immediately recognize your patterns and continue to repeat them until you are hit by something you had never expected. If you are aware enough to understand your own nature and it's reactions then you will be thankful to the person who provoked you by his attitude or by some other behavioral traits. Consequently this person has actually helped you in bringing out your deep-seated energy patterns. Why should you be thankful to the person who makes you feel crazy or even bothers you in some way? Well, the answer is, every pattern that surfaces, is an energy field that needs to be released through the meditation, EFT or any other method. By not releasing it we continue to multiply the same energy in our subconscious mind which is even more harmful. When we react, the part of the negative energy that was deeply rooted in us comes on the surface in the form of some reactive pattern and it is a wonderful chance for you to completely eliminate it by being aware of it. Some people react internally while giving the impression of a very calm personality.
Another client of mine said that she had a relative who she could not see eye to eye and just the sight of that relative would make her angry. In this case the problem was not with her relative but with this lady. With practice she had to literally be aware of what was surfacing when she thought of her relative or when she saw her. With awareness she learnt to quickly recognize her old patterns and released the energy by focusing on the breath. She found EFT very effective for herself.
Women sometimes become insecure in relationship but this too is a pattern which needs to be worked out. Whenever you become insecure, connect to your childhood to find out where this pattern came from. How were you treated as a child and how did you build up your reactions around those treatments? Whether you had a controlling parent who did not allow you to express your frustration or anger or an unloving father who was always unappreciative of your love and kindness towards him, whatever the case might have been, it has certainly turned you into a defensive and highly touchy person, or a people pleasing person who gives a lot to others and gets nothing in return. Once we recognize these patterns it becomes easier for us to release the energy or replace these patterns with different and better behavioral traits. Connect with your 'inner child' to re-establish the relationship with your parents with a different perspective.
In another case, my friend's brother who looked so calm and loving on the surface but after his marriage he showed many signs of passive aggressive personality. We may not know what people are, unless they unconsciously start showing us the deeper parts of their personalities. This does not mean we judge people or label them. You can also be a great help in changing somebody's behavioral traits, but this can happen only if they are ready to receive the help because some people don't accept that they need any change in them.
Nobody is born perfect but with awareness we can overcome the limitations of our personality and become a better person. What are your patterns? Do you criticize a lot? Do you have an indifferent attitude towards people who love you? Are you your own worst enemy when it comes to love? Do you shut down completely or become non responsive when in conflict with someone? Do you become impatient with people who do not respond even after a healthy time limit? Watch out for these signals and find ways to correct them before it is too late.