THE BOYS' BRIGADE

Republican Senator Lindsey Graham has put on some oversized polka-dot shoes and hopped into the clown car! And his reasons for running are SO COOL: "I'm running because of what you see on television, I'm running because I think the world is falling apart... It's not the fault of others, or their lack of this or that that makes me want to run; it's my ability in my own mind to be a good commander-in-chief." A legend president in his own mind!

I think it's pretty terrific that a small-government conservative is really willing to go out on a limb and say that he sees himself as a government of one, which is what the country really needs. I mean, the world is FALLING APART, people! And he is going to save it! He's basically a superhero.

That stupid old Hillary Clinton only wants to be a champion of the people. It's like she doesn't even think she can save the world by herself. (It's like they always say: She's not ambitious enough.) Or like she doesn't even think the job of the US president is to personally save the world. What a dope!

More proof that she is terrible: "Hillary Rodham Clinton is running as the most liberal Democratic presidential front-runner in decades, with positions on issues from gay marriage to immigration that would, in past elections, have put her at her party’s precarious left edge." She is a monsterrrrrrrrrr!

Speaking of monsters: Senator Bernie Sanders, a Democratic Socialist who is running for president (!!!) (I still can't believe it!) (Look at the Democrats running left!) (ohemgee!) is a social media phenom. Doesn't he understand that the Republicans' best argument against him is that he's TOO OLD?! He has some nerve undercutting that by being all cutting edge and shit.

In other news: Republican Governor of Louisiana Bobby Jindal has announced he's forming an exploratory committee, i.e. "Is there any more room in that fucking clown car?" SURE THERE IS! HOP IN!

Holy Maude, I cannot wait for the Republican debates. Just fully ONE MILLION podiums stretched across a stage.

Something something Rand Paul Marco Rubio Ted Cruz Ben Carson Carly Fiorina Mike Huckabee Jeb Bush Scott Walker Rick Perry Rick Santorum Chris Christie John Kasish George Pataki Mike Pence Donald Trump blah blah etc. etc. yadda yadda fart.

Talk about these things! Or don't. Whatever makes you happy. Life is short.