THE BOYS' BRIGADE

As you may recall, Deeky collects and saves useless garbage like we're beyond Thunderdome and useless garbage is now a form of currency and he's a garbageaire. Then, instead of throwing it away, he throws pieces of his fancy detritus collection into an envelope and pays money to ship it to me, at which point I put them in plastic treasure chests and put them out by the curb every week to be collected by the "treasure man," who buries them at the "treasure dump" for me for safe keeping.

But not before taking a picture of the bounty so that I can post it, natch.

Because this was a Super Duper Special Deluxe Birthday Garbage Treasures package, however, it was not 100% Garbage Treasures! But you didn't think Deeky would send me a birthday present without including trash in it, did you?! I HOPE NOT!


Before Unwrapping: Two presents wrapped in Hello Kitty wrapping paper, a present wrapped in green bubblewrap, a birthday card addressed to me, and a stack of junk.


The Gifts: One Blur CD, one set of anal beads from the officially licensed '50 Shades of Grey' collection, two religious candles featuring Freddie Mercury and David Bowie, and one birthday card reading: "Liss: From one hobag to another, have a filthy fucking birthday! #BUTTSTUFF Love, [Deeky]."

Blur, anal beads, and Saints Mercury and Bowie. TO BE KNOWN IS TO BE LOVED.


And, of course, there was the usual collection of garbage treasures! Clockwise from top left: An "EAT BERTHA'S MUSSELS" bumper sticker; a menu from the Charcoal Deli; a "Saucers Invade China" collectable card; a CD labeled "URANUS" in Deeks' handwriting; an advert for Starlooks' first ever cosmetics line for men; a flyer for Germano's Cabaret; and a flyer for the Cabaret Macabre.

Thank you, Deeky. Between these amazing gifts and my heartfelt cake, you really are the bestest of friends!

(Seriously, though: I am listening to the Blur CD right now, and those candles are fucking amazeballs. There's a better picture of them here. ♥)