The relationship started out amazing. You sat down, you gazed into each other's eyes, the conversations were long, everything was great. You felt like she really listened, really understood you, but more importantly, really wanted to get to know you and honored who you are as a man.
The beginning is always like this. It seems like women listen to us for endless hours. Then something happens. A switch goes off and everything changes. The woman who was once so fascinated by you is no longer interested in you. You feel like you are in a combative relationship and that she's always contradicting you. You want Indian for dinner? She, naturally, wants Thai.
So what happened to the relationship?
I’m sorry to tell you that you won’t know for sure until after you’ve broken up with her. I know how hard it is to break up. Most of my life -- and I've got to be 100% upfront with all you -- I've been the biggest pussy when it comes to breaking up. I hate when I realize that it's time to end it, that it’s over.It seems like every time I've got to break up with a woman, we go out to dinner and she starts crying in front of everyone. I feel bad. That’s the process. (Maybe I should stop breaking up with women over dinner.)
What often happens is I’ll know it’s time to break up, but I seem to end up staying around for another year just because I’m dreading the moment of truth. I feel so bad about hurting them, about breaking their hearts, about ending a relationship that they're invested in.
Breaking up when the relationship is just “not right” as opposed to waiting until it’s truly terrible is a hell of a lot harder than when she’s riding your balls, basically emasculating you.
Those relationships are much simpler to end. Because the fact is, you're a fool if you stay in a relationship in which you’re arguing about everything.
When it’s a question of ending the pain, it’s easy. It's real simple to sit her down, look her directly in the eyes and say, “We do not get along anymore, we do not honor each other as people, and I really feel like we need to go our separate ways.”
That's an easy way to break up.
Me, I'm a master at those. Whenever a relationship is going downhill like that, it's so easy to end it. You sit her down and you end each other's pain, and she will totally understand where you're coming from. She may be angry, she may be pissed, she may feel any number of things. But she gets it.
Nobody -- not even the most dramatic woman -- wants to be in a combative relationship. Breaking up when she doesn't see it coming, now that's tough. And that's when I've done everything I can to get her not to like me first. (Now there's a mature way to end the relationship.)
In a lot of my past relationships, I would be the wimp and I would get her to break up with me. Maybe I'd travel a little bit more. Maybe I wouldn't return her calls. I’d do anything to be that idiot boyfriend she’d complain to her friends about.
Part of the reason guys stay in bad relationships is because they don't want to be single again.
The problem arises when a woman doesn’t get the message. She’s willing to try to make it work, even if you’re both miserable. She seems so invested, so you don’t want to ruin it for her. You’re afraid of hurting her. Here's what I've learned over a lifetime: If you're not happy anymore, man up. The worst thing you can do to somebody else is to stay involved in a relationship and waste her time.
In life, we'll never get time back, so you have to honor your own time, and hers, too. It's not fair to somebody to stay in a relationship because you're afraid to break up and hurt her. In reality, by staying in that relationship, you're going to hurt her so much more because she's under the illusion that it's mutually satisfying.
So as a man, no matter where you're at, or how long you've been with her, if you're no longer in love with a woman and you're reading this right now, you need to go home and break up with her immediately.
You need to be the man. You need to tell her exactly why you're breaking up. You need to tell her that she's a wonderful, amazing woman but that you can't give her what she needs. And by doing that, you're stepping up and being a man.
I've learned the hard way. Breaking up is so hard to do. I mean, there are a million cheesy songs about it. It really is hard because you're going to hurt somebody, and you're also stepping into the unknown again.
Part of the reason guys stay in bad relationships is because they don't want to be single again. They don't want to be have to face the unknown. They don't know whether they'll meet somebody else.
Here's the deal: Not only are you going to meet somebody else, but you're going to meet somebody else so much better for you. That's the energy and the mindset that you need to have. So if you're in a bad relationship right now, I strongly suggest you man up instead of letting more time slip away. There are so many more adventures to be had. Don’t miss out because you were afraid.
Posts
